Broken Bonds
Many people who worry too much do so out of broken trust or loss of faith. If these people share what they really feel in their hearts, their story will reveal the deep trauma underlying their worry.
Allison Barnes came to see me at a crisis point in her life. She had a good marriage and wonderful children, and had once loved her work as a physician, "But now I'm terrified," she confessed. "I worry every day about someone trying to sue me for malpractice."
Allison's worry was rooted in the reality of today's world. She had been sued five years earlier, by a patient named Jim whom she thought of as a friend. "We exchanged family pictures," she told me. "When his son Simon had leukemia, I gave blood and so did my whole family." Then Simon died, and a year later Jim came in for a headache workup. "I spent an hour with him, then sent him off for some tests. He said I dismissed him without giving him the time he needed, so he went to another doctor, who diagnosed a benign tumor." Jim filed a lawsuit against her for malpractice. Although Allison won the suit, she lost her peace of mind. "He took out his anger about the death of his son on me," she told me. "Now, everyone who walks in the door I see as a potential adversary. I can't stand it."
Allison's faith in the world had been shattered. She admitted she felt ashamed of her worry, and afraid to talk to her husband about it. And so the worry had spread like brushfire: "Now I can find worry in a cigarette butt on the sidewalk."
My job with Allison was to apply metaphorical cold towels to her forehead and to strengthen her with hot chicken soup for the soul. I also gave her techniques to retrain her brain, which I explain in detail later.
But the most important part of her treatment did not depend on me at all. Allison was living alone inside her worry. She needed to increase the amount of support in her life, to develop deeper connections to others, from her husband to friends, extended family, colleagues, and other physicians. Life is scary and insecure. But many people suffer excessively because they don't know how or where to get support. The sum of our meaningful connections, our connectedness, is the key to emotional health and the surest protection we have against the psychological ravages of worry. By promoting connectedness in your life, you will increase your feeling of power and greatly reduce your sense of vulnerability. There is strength in numbers.
Allison Barnes came to see me at a crisis point in her life. She had a good marriage and wonderful children, and had once loved her work as a physician, "But now I'm terrified," she confessed. "I worry every day about someone trying to sue me for malpractice."
Allison's worry was rooted in the reality of today's world. She had been sued five years earlier, by a patient named Jim whom she thought of as a friend. "We exchanged family pictures," she told me. "When his son Simon had leukemia, I gave blood and so did my whole family." Then Simon died, and a year later Jim came in for a headache workup. "I spent an hour with him, then sent him off for some tests. He said I dismissed him without giving him the time he needed, so he went to another doctor, who diagnosed a benign tumor." Jim filed a lawsuit against her for malpractice. Although Allison won the suit, she lost her peace of mind. "He took out his anger about the death of his son on me," she told me. "Now, everyone who walks in the door I see as a potential adversary. I can't stand it."
Allison's faith in the world had been shattered. She admitted she felt ashamed of her worry, and afraid to talk to her husband about it. And so the worry had spread like brushfire: "Now I can find worry in a cigarette butt on the sidewalk."
My job with Allison was to apply metaphorical cold towels to her forehead and to strengthen her with hot chicken soup for the soul. I also gave her techniques to retrain her brain, which I explain in detail later.
But the most important part of her treatment did not depend on me at all. Allison was living alone inside her worry. She needed to increase the amount of support in her life, to develop deeper connections to others, from her husband to friends, extended family, colleagues, and other physicians. Life is scary and insecure. But many people suffer excessively because they don't know how or where to get support. The sum of our meaningful connections, our connectedness, is the key to emotional health and the surest protection we have against the psychological ravages of worry. By promoting connectedness in your life, you will increase your feeling of power and greatly reduce your sense of vulnerability. There is strength in numbers.
This entry was posted by Mandy, on
Wednesday, May 13, 2009.
You can leave your response.
